3 months into Senior Year, what am I doing?!?

No seriously. What am I doing?? I'm currently procrastinating studying for a computer programming midterm exam, and while I've been pretty successful at that this morning, I haven't felt like much of as success when it comes to making plans and being a go-getter for my plans post-graduation. Remember that goals thing I did in July and...uh...never followed up on? Well I did complete all of my July goals (just as a brief recap), but now that I'm into senior year I want to set up some new goals to help ground me in what I want/need to do. Things to keep me focused on for what's left in the semester ahead.

#1: jump back in to the blogging world. Just do it. It's intimidating because there are so many interesting blogs already out there, so what's going to make mine anything special to read? Don't know, but I believe it will be, so I'm going to make it happen. But it never will if I keep putting it off day after day. So hah! I've already completed goal #1, because this is me, jumping back in.

#2: practice teaching yoga as much as I can. I'm currently in teacher training and I need all the practice I can get, and I need to be more aggressive about finding ways to get that practice in.

#3: stop getting anxious when thinking about "the future," and all the things ahead of me I need to do to prepare. They seem like mountains, but that's because I just keep sitting at the base of it, looking up. I need to start the hike, and little by little I'll make my way up and over the hill. That means: reach out to potential employers. Create online portfolios. Reach out to contacts for recommendations. Explore internships for the spring semester. Stay current with news every day (I'm so guilty of not reading the news, and I'm a journalism major, so that's pretty bad). Be open to a plan that I might not be aware of as of now...things may unfold before my eyes without me realizing it and I want to be accepting of any and all of it.

#4: enjoy the day, rather than looking at my agenda and seeing every meeting I have to attend, every obligation that's in my day. Just accept those things as they are, and stop trying to get to the end of the day as fast as possible.

Before I get too far in over my head, I'll stop with those 4. They're pretty lofty. But I'm determined to make it happen. I hope this blog will turn out to be my outlet for unloading the pressures of the day, aspirations for tomorrow, and a link for anyone who might be in the same boat as me.

P.S. The only paper I've written since being back in school I got a failing grade because I wrote too "personally"... wonder where that came from (*cough*cough* 60+ personal blog posts for half a year as my only form of written work)

The Beauty of a Goal

I'll get a hang of this blogging thing eventually. It's a hard transition- going from writing about completely new experiences, discovering new European cities, and life reflections from across the ocean to writing about the day-to-day life back here in the U.S.- but who's to say I can't make my life here just as exciting? In fact, this month (all 8 days of it so far) have been awesome. Part of the reason for that is because of the goals some of my roommates and I set on June 30th. We decided to make July Goals, writing them down in marker together and reading them out loud to each other, and then posted them on the door of our refrigerator (the most commonly visited spot in the house). That way, we can all support each other and help to keep each other accountable when the going gets tough.

Whenever one of us does something towards accomplishing a goal, whether it be a little stepping stone in the process or checking the whole thing off the list, we make note of it on the papers. I'm finding that its a great way to stay in tune with what my friends are working on, an easy reminder of how to be supportive and recognize when they're making the efforts to accomplish their goals, and it makes me want to stay on track with mine all the more. So far I've been pretty attentive to staying on track with my goals for the month, like how I aimed to have a comfortable 4.5 mile run under my belt by the end of July, and just this morning (only July 8!) I've gotten up to 4.33. I won't say its comfortable yet, but I've got plenty of time left to work on it. 

But what I love most about these goals that we've made so official by writing them down and displaying them for anyone to see, is that they're only goals in as much as we want to pursue accomplishing them. I don't feel a slave to my expectations of the month. They're just things I want to do, and as long as I keep wanting to do them, I'm going to. But every so often I check in and ask myself, "is this a goal that I really want for myself?" And also knowing that if I'm not able to check something off the list by August 1st, it's by no means a failure. All the other things that I did check off the list will be things that may not have happened had I not attempted the goal list in the first place.

Its something I highly recommend to anyone who can get a group together to make the conscious effort and set some goals for themselves. As the month goes on, I'll keep updating how my goals are coming along. Maybe I'm not traveling the world, but I'm still learning and growing, and as long as I'm doing that, I hope to keep writing about it :) Now I'm off to start on goal #2 of the month, check out CrossFit Carrboro!

Settling In

There's nothing quite like saying you're going to do something and actually getting it done. So for me, where procrastination is my own worst enemy, the last couple weeks have felt pretty good. I debated moving to Chapel Hill versus staying in Charlotte for a solid month, but when I was finally so sick of weighing the pros and cons of each scenario, I just made the decision to go ahead and move. This was back when I was in Spain. When I got home to Charlotte and had a week there to unpack, chill out, get myself together, and re-pack again for school, I worried that I made the wrong decision. The comforts of home are just so enticing! I love my bed. I love lounging on my couch. I love my yoga studio. I love it all because its what's so familiar to me. But now that I'm here and settled in to a summer life in Chapel Hill, I couldn't be more reaffirmed that it was the right choice. I'm learning so many things about how to live on my own, I have time to plan out some goals I want for the semester, I'm getting my foot in the door for opportunities I might want to consider as career options (or at least as activities I know I'll want to keep up for the rest of my life). And I just gotta say, it feels so good.

Case in point- my first cooking experience

I've cooked before, but its always been the case that I've found a cool recipe online or on Food Network, gone to the store to buy specifically those ingredients, and made it. And that was my one cooking stint of the week (or month). This time, I went to the grocery store to shop for the week, and with some of my purchases I put together this dinner, making lots of leftovers to last me a few more days. I know, I know, nothing crazy interesting and everyone in the world has to cook for themselves eventually, but hey- I'm learning here! And I'm still quite the amateur. How do I know this? I started a fire. When I was roasting my veggies, olive oil dripped from the cookie sheet down into the bottom of the oven and before I knew it, smoke was filling the kitchen and the alarm wouldn't stop ringing. I had a moment of panic, a minor freak-out, but in a matter of moments, I had gotten it under control Stephen calmed me down and showed me what to do. And now, lesson learned and I'll know what to do the next time I set something on fire! Hopefully it won't be a regular occurrence. The finished product: shredded sweet potatoes, roasted vegetables, and marinated chicken breasts over pesto linguine. Most recipes I found here.

The rest of my meals this week haven't been nearly as exciting, but I am getting the hang of getting home from work and even though I'm tired, taking the time to make a decent meal. Of course, there are things that have made it easier. Like having a roommate who is just in summer school and doesn't have a job, so she's got a lot of time on her hands, and one night this week I came home to her cooking homemade macaroni and cheese, breaded chicken, and bean salad for me. And also, overnight oats for breakfast have become a staple. 

In addition to meal-time festivities, finishing the configuration of the furniture in our house, decorating it with the random assortment of things we've all managed to grab from home, actually purchasing my bike and getting it up to Chapel Hill (thank you, mom!), I've successfully potted my herbs (thank you, dad!). It's the littlest of accomplishments, but I am so excited about them. I love having ideas and then seeing them come to life. Sometimes I forget that I can do anything I want to do. But when I remember it and really embrace it, its such a powerful feeling. I know this year will have its ups and downs, but I need to remember this feeling- the feeling that I am capable of so much, and I'm actually making it happen right now, so what's to stop me from keeping those positive vibes and actions going? My first goal of the semester is to take a new look at the world 'procrastination.' I see it as this ugly monster, that I always fall victim to. But maybe when this semester starts, I don't have to. Maybe I'll look at each task, break it down into smaller and smaller bits, actually reward myself for accomplishing even those small bits, and especially the bigger ones, and maybe, just maybe, my little battle with procrastination will slowly fade away.

Along with my new basil: parsley, dill, and oregano. What to plant next??

6 months later, 61st post

I wrote 60 times while in Spain/about my Spanish adventures. Which actually doesn't seem like all that many journal entries for a 5-month span of time in a place where there was something new and exciting pretty much every single day. But I'll write it off to the fact that all of my posts were like mini novels, recounting events over 10-day trips and packed full of the little details. But now here I am, back in Chapel Hill again. Except it doesn't feel like I thought it might (and feared it would be). It's not like I'm back in this little campus where all I do is run from obligation to obligation and around every corner I run in to someone I know and I feel mostly bored with my day-to-day schedule. Granted, it's summer so there's no school, but I'm feeling so great about this upcoming year. I came home with a plan to make goals, and I've a lot, and I've set some in motion already. So now that I'm here in Chapel Hill I'm focused on my goals, I'm excited about my new house, and I'm ready to take on what this "real world" has got in store for me, one day at a time. 

So, what are these goals?

1. Plant an herb garden- somehow, somewhere. Basil, parsley, mint, chives, thyme? Currently taking suggestions for it.

2. Get a bike (to ride more and more, slowly phasing out where I need to drive my car to)

I had no idea where to begin with getting the "right" bike. All I knew is that I loved the Sevicis and I didn't want to become unused to biking everywhere, so I'm keeping up with the habit before I have the chance to lost it. I had Rachael's dad (a bike guru) help me big-time and settled on this Trek. He says it was a steal so I'll take his word for it!

3. Look for jobs for summer/into the school year

4. Organize my part of the house

On Tuesday I packed my car and drove myself to Chapel Hill, moved in by myself while my Laura and Caroline were at work (as in moved my giant suitcases, bins and tubs, metal and wood desk, chairs, bedding- everything- up the narrow and steep stairs SOLO!). When Kelly got in on Wednesday, I repeated the whole process with her. We also disassembled an entire wardrobe, carried the pieces upstairs, and re-nailed it back together, assembled a kitchen table, brought in the rest of our furniture (and she's got a lot) and hung shutters on the walls all day long. 

5. Get serious about plans for yoga in my future- explore teaching certification options

6. Strive to be happy every single day.

I had yet to drink from the Old Well since I've been at Carolina- it just never crossed my mind to do it- but as I was taking a walk with Emily (who I was so happy to see after our separation of all of three weeks) through the quad, eating oreo YoPo, I felt like it might be just the right time to do it. They say you'll have good luck with your classes if you drink from it on the first day of the school year (or something like that) but I think it'll bring good luck to me in this transition time back into real life. And this really is becoming real life, real fast; I bought my first actual bunch of groceries today. Look who's doing big things... more to come on that. I'm leaving the library now because it's summer and even though we don't have internet in our house, I just can't be in a library for longer than an hour. 

Around the World and Back Again

My Thursday morning, May 30, started at 4 am (about an hour and a half after I went to bed, since it took that long to make each of my suitcases fit everything/fit the weight limit). I had a banana at the good ole breakfast table, sitting with Cristina who woke up to see me off, and we chatted like it was no different than any other meal we've had together. But when 3:50 rolled around I knew I had to pack up the last of my things, squeeze into the tiny elevator, and walk for the last time through the courtyard and out onto Villegas y Marmolejos. C said something like, "well this is where I stop," and I just gave her the biggest, longest hug. I didn't really know how to say all the things I wanted to say in Spanish, but that might have been just as well, because I think the hug was enough. She was short with her goodbye, as I'm sure she needed to be since she has done this so many times, and it is no doubt difficult each time. I'm sure she's perfected a way to close a chapter to one girl's book in order to prepare to open a new one. Part of me thinks it won't be the last time I see my senora and her family, but if it was, I know we had the fullest experience possible and I walked away feeling resolute. I met Emily at our corner and she walked me to the bus stop (a true friend to have gone out the night before and to get up at 4 to sit at a bus stop, with no intention of going anywhere). I felt a sense of longing, not wanting to leave, now that it was finally time to go, and Emily and I were reminiscing on one of our first night's at O'Neill's, walking to class through this very path every day, etc. etc. But once I got on the airport bus, I was immediately ready- jumping out of my skin, in fact- to just get off that final plane in Charlotte. 

last picture with Cristina, cerca 2 a.m. 

But it was a long, long travel day. The plane to Lisbon was a puddle jumper. I had never been on one before. It had 10 seats and the pilot gave everyone ear plugs before we took off, because it was going to be that loud. So, I didn't sleep on that flight. And when I got to Portugal I had to get my checked bag, re-check it and go through security again (aka find security, find US airways to get my boarding passes, find the gates...it was all so confusing), and by the time I got to B24 I only had just enough time to make my last purchase with euros (a Ritter Sport chocolate bar) and get in line (SO many lines today) to board the plane. For the long flight to Philly. You know when you sit next to a person who immediately starts talking to you and you think, "OK, so we're going to have this conversation for the whole flight, now." And you know how you don't want that to happen on an 8 hour transatlantic flight? Well obviously it did happen to me. The woman was incredibly interesting, I'll give her that, but even after 2 sleeping pills she had me up the whole flight chatting. The chatting and the high turbulence, that is. It was a pretty miserable flight, but it was only 8 hours, and then it was over. I had to get my bags again, go through immigration, customs, security again, and high tail it to my gate to make it to the last leg of the trip to Charlotte. All in all, when I look back, it felt pretty fast, although in each moment it felt like the day had been dragged into a week. When I got off the plane it was only 5:30 p.m. Just "13" hours earlier I was in my apartment in Sevilla (plus the time change). 

I made my way down to the final baggage claim in a state of delirium. Didn't even see Granddaddy, my dad, or Stephen waiting for me at the bottom with flowers and big signs around their necks. When I finally did spot them I was overcome with the strangest sense of feeling like it'd been forever since I'd been home and like no time had passed at all since I'd seen everyone all together. My bags all made it back and in one piece, nothing broken, and mom picked us all up outside baggage claim in perfect timing. The rest of the night was absolutely everything I wanted it to be and more. My parents had the sweetest ideas to put random little things around my house to surprise me, things I'd mentioned that I'd been missing (like cookie and peanut butter) and had the goods to make any number of meals that I wanted for dinner that night. 

First meal back at home? All I could think was dad's homemade pizzas. We had a Mediterranean one with kalamata oliva, pesto and feta cheese, and a classic cheese/spinach/feta/tomato sauce one. Dad also made chicken kebobs from my Around the World cookbook to have with red pepper hummus, his famous green bean/onion mix, a Med salad, and Krispy Kreme donuts for dessert. The delirium continued. 

It's amazing how easily I've fallen back into some of the routine things I used to do. Not in a bad way, it just feels so easy and natural to be driving around in my car, running errands, going to DSW, Whole Foods and Target, taking yoga (HaLlElUjAh), making plans for dinner with friends. But I've brought everything home with me that I've learned over the past semester. As easy as it is to think of that as an entire other life, I don't want to keep them separated. I want to continue enjoying life the way I've enjoyed it in Spain, valuing relaxation, keeping things simple, paying attention to how I'm feeling and being good to myself each day, and staying clear about what I want, without letting the little distractions of life pull me away from it. It'll be harder to do in this environment, but I know it can be done. In yoga today I had such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude while laying in savasana that I actually teared up. It was my second class after 5 months of not a whole lot of stretching period, and while I can tell there's things I'll need to work on again, I'm still so capable of so many things. We're all a lot stronger than we think we are, and we can do so many more things than we give ourselves credit for. For me, its just the fear of the "what if" in case I can't do something anymore or won't be able to accomplish something new that gets me. What if I didn't think in terms of "what if?" This semester has given me some of the confidence to kick that habit. I made it around the world and back again in one piece, but I didn't just make it back- I took on the challenges and turned them into great experiences, I've learned so much and I don't regret a thing, and the best part about it all is that I'm ready to be back here and to take on what life's got in store for me next. 

Adios, amigos

It was my last day. And it was a great one. A bit hectic at the end there, dealing with luggage struggles (and who knows how it will all actually go down once I get to the airport and they weigh the bags), but overall, it was the perfect close out to a perfect 5 months. Took my exam- piece of cake. Went shopping with Emily to spend a few extra euros- bought a great dress, can't wait to wear it on the beach. Had my favorite lunch- the spinach casserole. Sat on the river with friends- lost track of time and didn't care one bit, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and it is finally, finally, hot again (thank you very much, right as I leave...at least I got this one day). Had fresh strawberry mojitos by the river- watched him make it and now have the key to the secret recipe, and I can't wait to try it myself. Bought the last little gifts for people here and there, and my time strolling home for dinner. I feel so content, and I feel so ready to be home. I love you, Sevilla, but I love lots of things, and I'm ready to get back to them.

Some things that I will miss, though:

+The way Cristina answers me saying "Qué hija?" in such a caring way whenever I call her name from near or far away

+The orange, the violet, and the palm trees; actually all the vegetation. It's tropical and I feel like I'm living in a dream land every morning when I walk to school (even though the violet ones cry? We never learned why we get sprinkled with water, as if its raining, every time you walk near them)

+Ordering casual drinks 

+Cheap fruit, and lots of it

+Llao Llao and the man at Nervion Plaza who always gave me mounds of each topping- everywhere else I went seemed to gyp me but he never let me down

+Having 2 hours to set aside for each meal, it used to be a pain to sit down for that long, but I've gotten used to it and I love that time after eating when we sit and chat about everything and nothing

+better flavored Doritos

+better chocolate/double stuffed Principe cookies

+the feeling that the city is so alive all the time, big enough for anything to happen and small enough that you're sure to run in to someone you know if you're out and about

+Sevici-ing around; I'm making it a goal to start riding my bike most places at home now, even though it won't be nearly as easy

+people calling the "chino" stores "el Chino" and it not being an offensive statement (I guess what I'll miss is how open Spaniards are, and how direct their sense of humor is)

+dancing in the kitchen with Cristina and making her say English words (her latest is "hiccup" and for the life of her, she can't say anything but "hippo")

Actually this list could go on and on. I'm sure I'll remember so many little things that give me a little pang of sadness for the next few months, but it won't hit me until I'm home. The truth is I don't know what I'll miss most. I hope I can remember everything as vividly as I do right now, and I know this blog will help me do that, but I just can't imagine forgetting the little things that have come to mean so much to me. Or the things that have come to be such a big part of my day. But that's always the way it is. You do something every day, its part of your daily routine, a natural habit your body is used to, and then when you stop doing it, you forget all about what it was like when you did. I guess there's not really a way to avoid it. But if I can just tell myself to remember one thing about this whole experience, I'd like to tell myself to (well okay, it can't just be one thing) A. stop and smell the roses, it is absolutely necessary and in fact imperative to maintaining your sanity, B. trust yourself and go with your gut, and C. be patient, have patience for others, have patience for yourself, and be good to yourself. You deserve it. 

Day 142

Happy day #142 in Spain! I've been here 4 months and 21 days. 20 weeks and a day. 3,384 hours (Googled it). Actually, that doesn't seem like that much. But when I think about what I've been able to do/see/find/make happen/experience in some one-hour spans of time, I feel like I've packed a lot of life into this past semester. And I'm leaving tomorrow. After all of the people I've sent away from Sevilla and all the times I've taken weekend trips out of town, its hard to think that this time when I go to the airport, I'm not coming back. I'm pretty much packed and ready to go, but I'm definitely going to leave for the airport early enough so that if/when the check-in people to tell me my bag is too heavy, I'll have time to rearrange and throw out more things. I also feel pretty content. Sure, there's always more to do, and I don't by any means feel like an expert at being abroad, but for this period of time, I feel like I've taken full advantage, made some long-lasting friendships, built a life and discovered a true family, seen so many things, gone out on so many limbs, that these past couple days when I've been doing things that might be "the last," I feel pretty okay with that. Haven't gotten emotional yet, maybe I will when I actually hug Cristina goodbye, who knows. I do know that after saying goodbye to half the people already, it feels like we've been winding down for a long time. And I can safely say I'm more excited to go home than sad to leave. Which I think is the best of both worlds. I'm not homesick, and I'm not sick of being here. I'm just content. And I'm just so gracious for this experience. It's been the richest of my entire life. 

And I couldn't speak about studying abroad without mentioning the studying portion of it. I feel like I've actually learned things in my classes, without all the drama and stress over boring and tedious assignments, papers or group projects that count for 75% of your grade, etc. It makes me think we don't actually need all that extra crap to learn. The thing I'm most proud of is how far I've come listening in class. My history professor speaks the most rapid, most muddled Andalucian Spanish imaginable, and at the beginning of the year I had to sit on the front row and crane my neck, straining my ears just to pick up on some words that would give me a clue into the context of what he might be talking about. And if I zoned out even for a minute? I was done for. But by the end of the semester, I could write notes pretty easily, keep up with him (ma o meno) and I left class every day feeling pretty competent. That is a huge accomplishment. And I don't know when it happened. Emily and I were just talking about it one day after class, that we didn't feel totally lost. We just looked at each other and said something like, "how freaking cool is that." 

Not being stressed and still learning? What kind of crazy combination is that? More importantly, why do I have a hard time grasping that its okay? Studying for exams. Never have I ever and never again will I ever have the kind of exam week that I've had here. And the thing is, I still stressed about the tests. Because that's what we're taught to do. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it is. I couldn't let myself not study, even when my final was open note/open computer. That was my EU exam. Jesus asked us to please get out all our notes and open our laptops, not put close/put them away, and to write for as long as we cared to about "what did I learn in the class this semester." For history, we spent a good 3 hours the morning of the exam comparing notes, Emily, Evan, Shoshanna and I, talking about how we hoped he would ask the essay questions on tema 6 or tema 9, because we just didn't know the others that well. Well, when we sat down in Serrera's office he looked at the syllabus and said, "what would you guys like to write about?" So tema 6 and 9 it was. And now I'm sitting in the EUSA cafe, 45 minutes before my Islam exam, and I'm blogging. Because even if I didn't take this exam, it would take of 20% of 30% of my grade, and the whole thing is pass/fail anyway. Its hard to wrap my mind around the fact that its okay to do badly, and what's more, that even when I don't study, I'm probably not going to do badly. 

Oyoyoy. This, right now, is the life. After I finish this last test, I think I might go to the river to hang out. But not go get ice cream, because- and I never thought these words would come out of my mouth- I am so sick of sweets. Ice cream in particular. I think I hit my max the other night when we sat at Fiorentina past closing time, talking to the Joaquin, ordering multiple helados. Crema Vaticana is actually a religious experience to eat. But that last tarrino pequeno of it might have just done me in, because now when I think about eating anything sweet I just feel sick. And Cristina really wanted to spend some time with me yesterday, and insisted on taking me out for...you guessed it: ice cream. I ate it, but after that I just said NO MORE. I'm done. So. The first thing I can't wait to do when I get home is eat A. what I want, when I want, and B. try to do some kind of cleanse. Also, the tendinitis is finally subsiding, so while I want to take it easy, I really want to get back into exercising, doing something else besides cycling. I've grown to like it here, and I especially like taking classes in Spanish because I can't always understand when the instructor is telling me to crank it up a gear or not, so I just do what feels good and challenging to me. So. The second order of business will be to get back into a variety of exercises that are fun (I don't miss running, because usually I hate it, and I don't want to make myself do anything I don't want to do when I get back). And what's fun to me? Yoga. I am so excited to get back on my new mat (new to me, got it at Christmas and haven't really been able to use it yet) and sweat the fun way. 

And...yep, that's pretty much it. I'm going to enjoy my last day here (it still hasn't really hit me yet, because even typing it out doesn't phase me) and once I get on that first plane tomorrow- assuming I make the 4:30 am bus, which Emily is so kindly accompanying me and all my luggage to- I will be SO ready to land in Charlotte, see my family, run around my house without slippers on, fall into my comfy bed, watch TV on a couch, open the fridge without asking for anyone's permission, drive my car, ride in a car in the passenger's seat, go to the grocery store, use my phone in the middle of the street where there's no wifi, wear something other than one of my 5 rotational outfits, ask a salesperson questions without having to figure out what exactly I need to say in Spanish to get my point across, not convert everything to dollars to figure out just how much it costs, use my debit card and forget about 2 cent coins (they are the worst), give my feet a rest because, at this point, they feel almost beyond repair, wake up early and have people in the world be awake too (including the sun), order breakfast somewhere and it not be just tostada con mermelada y cafe (going along with that, having eggs for breakfast and that be normal). And that's just what I can rattle off off the top of my head. Now that its 10:30 and I have my last exam in 15 minutes, I'm going to go over notes and get going with day #142! 

Joaquin, Emily and I; one of the many Fiorentina excursions

Oh and Cristina bought loquats? Is that a real fruit? I Google translated the Spanish name and it came up as that, but I've never heard of it before. Weird and cool to eat something you've actually never heard of or seen before in your life. 

LDOC

Last Day of Classes. Was technically last Wednesday, I guess, because I skipped/had my classes canceled on Thursday and don't have class on Friday. And today, Monday, is my last normally-scheduled day, but I'm only going to the classes to take the exams. And then I have one more on Wednesday morning, and that's the end. I read over my notes a few times this weekend, studied a bit with Emily last week, and woke up early this morning with every intention of hitting the books hard. And yet, somehow, I've managed to convince myself that journaling is a better use of my time. To tell you the truth, it doesn't take much convincing at all. I know I'm going to do fine on the exams, and if worst comes to worst, they're essentially pass/fail anyways. It's so hard for a Carolina student, and a worker-bee (when it comes to school work) like myself to purposefully not give it my all on something; there's something that never sits quite right with me. But in retrospect, 20 years from now, I'm not going to care one bit if I got a 7 or an 8 on this history test, but I bet I will like going back and reading about the little ins and outs of my study abroad experience, reliving the moments as if they're happening in real time again. And I can, because that's what I've done with all of my entries- kept up with it, made sure it was thorough, and left no detail unmentioned. And I'm pretty proud of that. So here I am, sitting at the kitchen table with Cola-Cao, the Dia (off) brand of Principe cookies, a family-size box of Corn Flakes, my empty tea glass and a box of green tea packets in front of me. And let me just say, I've been going all out on breakfasts as of late.

Here's a yogurt (desnatada, better than semi, for sure, but the consistency is a little too similar to cottage cheese for my yogurt tastes) and granola (corn flakes) mix with sliced strawberries and bananas mixed in, a piece of honey/corn flake toast (to resemble the corn flake french toast at Carolina Coffee Shop...it didn't, by the way) and another piece of toast and strawberry jam. Also threw some jam in the yogurt. It's a hot mess, but I like preparing stuff in the kitchen, and I definitely miss the liberty of opening the pantry and fridge and looking for something interesting to make for breakfast (since its my favorite meal of the day), so this'll have to do. 

As for exams, what? 2 today? This weekend I went shopping, babysat and played with Nico for an entire day, got Fiorentina ice cream twice (May's flavor of the month, Violet, was in the back but the owner brought me a sample of it anyway, and then proceeded to make me get out my phone in front of him, go to his Facebook page, and "share" his link to the flavor of the month with all my Facebook friends), cycled at the gym a few times, messed around on the machines on Saturday morning- no one is there on Saturdays, and I'm not good at using the machines/don't know how most of them work, so I always feel self-conscious about figuring them out if someone is waiting around behind me, but on Saturday mornings I don't have to worry about that (all Spaniards are still sleeping)- and went to Cadiz on Sunday for the entire day. Took 11am bus out and the 9pm bus back. It was cloudy and I even brought my textbook with me to study, but that didn't mean I got much of anything done. We got frozen yogurt, set up our things in our secret spot, napped, took advantage of the Sunday special (everything 1 euro) at Cien Montaditos, and went back to the beach to nap again in the sunset. All in all, I'd say it was definitely worth my 20 euro bus ticket, and who are we kidding, would I have really been studying that much more if I'd been at home? 

Last day trip of the semester

It was also so necessary that I get out of the house for the day. I've been wanting to spend more time with Cristina lately, because her family is awesome and I really will miss them so much, but she's been getting under my skin just ever so slightly about lots of little things and I don't want to end on a bad note or with any kind of sour taste in my mouth. But its so apparent, sometimes, how self-absorbed she is. Anytime (and this is if and only if you can even get your story a midst her rants) you say something about yourself/your day/your friends/your family, she half way listens to you and then says "igual de mi hija..." blah blah blah, basically just turning the story back to her and her daily happenings. Its not like I want to talk about me, I just want to talk about anything besides whatever she's obsessing over at the moment, because she'll repeat that story in so many ways, at so many different times, find ways to bring it up in places you couldn't imagine it could possibly relate, all throughout the day that its almost unbearable. When I tried to leave for the gym around 11 on Saturday, I literally had to go back to my room, pretending I forgot something, and come back through the front hallway to start the good-bye over again because each time it didn't work and I got sucked in to another one of her rantings. This time it was about her daughter's novio italiano and how much she dislikes him, how bad of a person he is, and who knows what all else about him, I couldn't listen past 11:30. It took that long to get out of the house. 

Funny nuance number two about Cristina, she isn't really self-sufficient for anything but cooking and cleaning, which is pretty sad, but also humorous when it comes to certain things- like figuring out the weather. There IS a Weather Channel on Spanish television, and C COULD turn the TV to it once in a while to figure out what the week's forecast is, but she waits for her best friend, Meli, to call her and tell her what to expect. I crack up every time I ask Cristina, "will it be warmer by Wednesday?" and she replied "I don't know, Meli hasn't called to tell me yet." Seriously? Does she think Meli is the weather goddess or something? Only she has the power to truly know if its going to rain? Oyoyoy.

Interesting and very eye-opening to me about Cristina's viewpoints on social norms in life, she told me one day (it was her rant of the day) that she called her son, Jairo, while he was ironing his wife's clothes. She was appalled that not only does he have to iron his own clothes, he's ironing Joli's, now, too! "Lucky wife!" Cristina said. She doesn't think its right that, since they both are working parents, that Jairo ends up doing laundry/cooking more than Joli does. I don't know anything more about the situation, but its so clear to me that Cristina has the traditional mindset, that the wife is meant for the housework (and not necessarily anything else), and I've never been around that before, and especially not in such close quarters. 

Hopefully after this mini descanso, I'll be fresh and ready to embrace all her quirks and laugh at them rather than want to step on her broken toe. But sometimes I just want to grab her shoulders and shake her and tell her there is so much more out there in the world she doesn't know about! And she's not too old/too weak/too whatever to find some of it out. She's too afraid to fly, so that's why (she says) she wouldn't ever come to the U.S. But ohhhh what I would give to have her come visit me and stay in my house, and see her reaction to everything we do that she is so unaccustomed to. The thing is, I know she's happy- well, not exactly happy, because she complains daily that her kids never call her and she's all alone and she feels abandoned...I would feel awful for her if these were accurate statements, which they're not- but she is content with the life she leads and doesn't want to learn anything new. This experience has taught me that there is such an unbelievable amount of new things out there in the world to learn, and that I can never let myself lose sight of that. I want to always feel like I do right now- that I have so much to experience, and that the time to experience it is now. Studying abroad has taught me confidence to manage the logistical side of things, which will now support me whenever I want to go out on a limb and do something out of my comfort zone. I know I have the capability to handle whatever is thrown in my path, and what I have to gain from taking that leap of faith sometimes knows no boundaries. 

I can't wait to bring that home with me and see what kinds of adventures I can find right under my nose there. But first, to the university to take my exam.

The Last Two Weeks? Can't Be Real

I just can't seem to believe that in one week from right now I'll be sleeping in my bed in North Carolina. Instead of going to Barcelona in either of the last two free weekends I have here, I decided to spend them here in Sevilla. Now I'm having mixed emotions about it. Barcelona is a place I definitely wanted to go to, and everyone that went (which was everyone) said it was one of their favorites, if not their favorite, place to travel to. And tickets are cheap and its a short flight. And I had friends going this weekend. But I made the choice to be here and I'm for the most part glad that I did. Last weekend was especially fun, even though Emily and Tim were in Madrid. I spent the whole weekend with Evan, another American student I met in my History of the Americas class. Until this weekend we'd been pretty much classmates that sat next to each other and shared notes, but all her friends happened to be out of town last weekend and so were mine, so we hung out, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. On Friday we went to Alfalfa with another friend, Georgia, which was by itself pretty fun, not trying to meet up with anyone else, not trying to stay out until a certain time, not really trying to do anything. We went early, shared a pitcher of Agua de Sevilla, and sat in a corner table of a quiet bar chatting for over an hour. By the time we walked out Alfalfa was flooded with people, and we bounced around for a while before deciding to head back. Evan and I both have Sevicis, but Georgia doesn't, so we attempted to do as the Spanish so often do, and try to tandem bike it home. I checked out a bike and put the kick stand down, then stepped back to stare at how two people might fit on this monster. The thing is, these bikes are SO heavy. The normal tricks don't work. And the Spaniards, as skinny as they may be, sure do know how to maneuver these things and make it look easy to do what we tried to do. Let me just say, it is NOT. Here's what some of our efforts looked like:

Nothing worked. I had almost spent my half-hour check out time right in front of the station just trying to figure this all out, but after we came to the realization that even if we did manage to get going for a minute or two with Evan holding the bike for us to begin with, we wouldn't have a hope in the world if we ever had to stop at a crosswalk. So in the end, we walked home. The next day I got Chinese with Miguel Angel and Cristina for lunch. I have no idea how I didn't know about this place until today, because its less than a five minute walk from our house, it is regularly-portioned (as in HUGE plates of each food) and cheap as can be (4 or 5 euro for a big huge platter of anything), and it is legitimately delicious Chinese food. I loved spending the afternoon with them; even after we finished eating we sat at the table and talked for at least an hour. And I'm understanding MA almost perfectly (which, he says, means that I have passed [he talks the fastest of anyone I know], and I can really say I know Spanish). He ordered the food for all of us, because he says he knows what's best, and I had no problem with that. There were 5 pages of menu items! We ordered a lemon chicken, a bamboo and mushrooms plate, a pad-thai type deal, and two humongous spring rolls, each the size of the entire plate. With drinks it was 20 euro. Are you kidding? In America that'd easily be a 50 dollar meal. 

One spring roll

Clean Plate Club

...and she insisted I take this.

I met back up with Evan after lunch for some Macarena and Alameda exploring. First stop: Cake at La Cacharreria, the best hidden gem of Sevilla, in my opinion. Second stop: Freshly baked, hot cookies (yes, I found actualy cookies POR FIN) at a little store right across the street. 

banana-caramel cake

right out' the oven

We had a day on Saturday like I'd had in some of my first few days in Sevilla, where I would just be walking for the sake of walking, having no real plan or need for being out. I took pictures of everything, even though I already have so many, because we stumbled across areas of the town that still hold surprises for me. Por ejemplo:

shadows painted on the walls of a building

It was our ultimate goal to find cute boutiques and go shopping, but to avoid the main shopping streets. We found two awesome stores near Alfalfa; Evan bought a very 50's style, floor length pale pink dress in one and I bought a short sleeve sweater across the street, almost solely because the couple that owned this particular boutique named their store after their weiner dog, George, who sat in his own chair near the dressing room so you could ask him how everything looked as you tried things on. I just relaxed at home Saturday night (with the new girls) and watched Ted in Spanish with MA and C until I fell asleep on the couch. On Sunday I decided it might be time to be just the slightest bit productive, since I had 4 finals, 2 presentations, a group project, and 2 papers to write before leaving, which is 10 days from this point. I met Evan in the park and we studied history until the sky clouded over, it became quite ominous outside, and we made the great call of packing up and moving our laptops and other electronics inside. Just as we were approaching San Fernando, it started raining cats and dogs and we ducked inside the nearest place with wifi- Dunkin Coffee (not Dunkin Donuts, because the word "donut" is copyrighted in Spain, or least something like that, I'm told). I'm so much more of a Krispy Kreme fan, and I actually can't understand why anyone would go to Dunkin if there's the option of KK, but this is where we were so I got a chocolate creme donut (and was disappointed, as usual, with its cakey dryness) and finished writing both of my papers. 

And on Monday the marathon of hanging out with Evan continued on, as we rewarded ourselves after class at 9 am with yet another slice of cake from the heavenly Cacharreria.

carrot-cinnamon

There was a practical reason for having cake for breakfast. We wanted to talk to our professor during his horas de tutoria at 12:15, and since we didn't have anything to do in between class time and this, it seemed like a pretty good way to break up the morning and get out of school for a bit. After clearing up some things about our exam, and him telling us to please not worry, he just wants us to enjoy our time in Sevilla, and to also not go to class on Thursday because there is a school-wide strike (and he wasn't sure if us Americans knew or understood that...I think that'll be a memory I'll keep forever, having a college professor to tell me to not come to class to support the people's strike), we both felt pretty good about the exam. "Good" meaning we don't actually need to study, maybe just go over a few notes for max a couple of hours. I asked Professor Serrera for a picture with him before leaving his office, and while I knew he wouldn't mind, I could never have predicted what ensued once I posed the question. We ended up having a 15 minute photoshoot, moving around different places in the office, catching the light from the balcony in different ways, taking some with flash, some without, taking a few zoomed in, then more further back, horizontal, then vertical, taking one photo on his good side, then switching it up in case my good side was the other one, then switching over the camera so that he and Evan could do the same. And if that wasn't enough, he wanted to have a few of the two of us, for his memories. But even once the camera could finally be turned off, the shenanigans continued. He said, so seriously, how important it was that we send him these photos for him to have as well. And not just a few, all of them. It doesn't matter if they're bad or bad lighting or someone isn't smiling their best smile in one, he wants the collection. And he realizes his email only allows up to 12mpg or whatever to be sent at a time, but that shouldn't stop me, all I need to do is send multiple emails. He then showed me how to. Thanks dude. 

He really is one of the nicest professors, so we were more than happy to appease him. In class the next morning, however, he let me know he received my emails by displaying all the pictures on the projector in front of the class. How much of a teacher's pet did I look like. Well, no pasa nada, I haven't made any Spanish friendships in the class that could be jeopardized in any case. 

The rest of the week was pretty average. Working on homework, going to the gym, running errands (such as buying avocados from markets in the morning to eat as a merienda before dinner, because I am just too hungry and I am over sitting in my bed waiting until 9 pm in misery). All the things one does when they live somewhere. Its just regular life for me now. During my walk to class, I pass by a few familiar faces that have the same schedule as me, like the old, lanky man wearing aviators and listening to his iPod, and its just a reminder to me that I've been here long enough to establish a real normality. In Spain! If I take the time to think about it, its crazy. I'm sitting now on the couch in Cristina's living room, stretched out with my feet up, watching a singing game show as Cristina snores in the chair beside me, occasionally waking herself up with her extra loud snorts and laughing, and its almost 8 pm but I'm no longer pining over dinner. I know its coming at 9, I've had my snack earlier (today it was la Fiorentina), and I'm good to relax until then. 

Some of my "norms" that seem so average and make total sense here will seem so strange and hilarious once I'm home, I'm sure. Like the fact that since we can't hang out in each other's houses, and we don't always want to go to a bar or restaurant or to get ice cream, we actually have hung out at school before. Emily and I share a love for Homeland, and we both only recently started watching it. So we meet at EUSA, in the Cinecu office, with her computer and my snacks, load episodes of Homeland online, turn off the lights (when Cheryl's not in), prop up our feet on chairs, and watch TV like we would at home. 

One day we bought a 3-pack of popcorn and a big Milka bar to split, I popped the popcorn at home, carried it, already popped and piping hot, in my purse, to EUSA where I met Emily after her class to watch an episode. I also brought nail polish and nail clippers to do nails while we watched. Definitely things you do at home on your living room couch, not in a school office. But hey, desperate times. Just this past week we picked back up on the Homeland trend, starting season 2, and opening the bag of Birthday Cake Oreo's Em's fam sent her in the process of watching a couple episodes. About one sleeve through the bag, I thought about how great they would taste soaked in milk (reminds me of sitting in Grandaddy and Gig's living room at night, dunking double stuffed Oreo's in milk for at least 30 seconds so that they were so soggy and almost detached from the rest of the cookie by the time you lifted it out of the milk). We went downstairs to the school's cafe and asked for a cafe con leche, hold the cafe. And after that, the afternoon was perfection. Homeland+milk and cookies+hanging out with friends in a non-bar setting=perfection, no matter how extraño the circumstances of it may be. Later on in the week Emily's señora actually let me come over to her house (!?!?). Chloe left Emily at the same time MC left me, but Emily didn't get any new roommates, so their house has been extra quiet as of late. Under the pretense that we had to study and that we share a textbook, I went over to watch Homeland after dinner on Thursday. It was so interesting to compare Cristina's apartment to Tia's. Hers is much more decorated than mine, with lots of ornate religious figurines, many more paintings on the walls, it all just looked a lot more movie-esque. In comparison, I would say my house looks pretty average, nothing too out of the ordinary that makes you think "where the heck am I."

So I guess, now that I'm thinking about it, even an average week has so many nuances and new, interesting things that happen than an "average" week in Chapel Hill. That will be something I will truly miss about being here, and hope to find ways to bring those kind of nuances home with me, whether that means going out to find a new restaurant once a week, making the time to go on a hike in Durham one day, riding my bike somewhere far away just to explore what's around, or what have you. This week we went to la Fiorentina yet again, but this time I met the owner. He not only was so excited to tell me about himself and his store, and how he makes all the flavors himself (and offered plenty of free samples to show off, and I was not going to stop him), he then made Evan, Tim, Emily and I all get on our phones that minute and add the heladeria as a friend on Facebook. If its just a technique to get me to come back, its working, because I'll go out of my way to eat this ice cream and I just can't accept any other in Sevilla as anywhere near the same quality. I also ate dinner with Cristina, the woman who owns the apartments my dad stayed in when he was here. We exchanged information back in March and she told me to contact her whenever I wanted to get together, that she'd love to. Time had kind of slipped by, but this week I found myself with much more free time, especially since there's just so many less people in town these days, so I called her up and we arranged a dinner date. Cristina took me to one of her favorite places, Zelai, and ordered all the tapas for us (great for me, I hate decision making). We had ox, a cheesy risotto, a tuna steak and vegetables, and orange tinto. We ended dinner with caramel liquor shots. We sat talking until the restaurant was closing, and I had no idea we had been sitting there for so long when we finally stood up to leave. She's got a really unique life story, has traveled to more places in the US than I've been to, and is great at English. We switched back and forth between the two languages almost seamlessly. It was great to be explaining something in Spanish and then not know a word for something and just be able to ask quickly, "como se dice..." and she could fill in the blanks for me. 

The Spanish are so open to grabbing a drink, having a meal, or sitting and chatting for any period of time with you, even if they barely know who you are. If you are open to making a connection, I think you can almost make a friend out of anyone. Which is why I wasn't sure what the man at the gym, cerca age 30, really wanted from me when he asked to get a coffee after a Pilates class one day. I've been going to LowFit Viapol for a month now, and have seen this guy a couple times in yoga and Pilates classes, and we've spoken once or twice in passing. On Tuesday we had an actual conversation in which he informed he was recently divorced, and all of his old friends were his wife's friends, so he's been having trouble "meeting people." What kind of meeting people does he mean? New amigos? Or new potential spouses? I'm not great at deflecting these kinds of situations in English, but in Spanish I just had no idea how to go about avoiding the coffee date but still keep it neutral and un-awkward every time I have to see him at the gym from now on. It wasn't fully resolved, I just pushed it off until maybe the next time I saw him (and since he's always at the gym in the mornings, I've switched up my schedule to the afternoons). Only a few more days of this, so I figure its no big deal. But, "average week?" Hmm, maybe not. 

This weekend, though, almost no one is home. Friday was a humdrum kind of day. I spent it sleeping in until 12, doing yoga in my room until lunch, buying a bus ticket to Cadiz, taking a little walk and then a cycle class, getting ice cream with Julia and checking out the Cerveceria Internacional, and sitting by the river until 2 or so in the morning, as I've done many nights this week (I love it, its so calming, and I know I've only got a few more nights left of seeing these sights). But then again, humdrum days aren't so bad. They give me time to do this kind of stuff. And every day can't be an all-out, wild and crazy whirlwind of experiences. I've been lucky enough to have so many of those this past semester. And I've come to appreciate every kind of day I have here in Sevilla, whether it be the kind that I witness the world famous Feria up close and personal, or the kind where I sleep in until lunchtime, because who knows when I'll have the opportunity to do that again? 

I guess I'm off to study now? Or watch Vampire Diaries. Yeah, probably that. 

Missing You, MC!!! (The extra exclamation marks are for you bebe)

I had no idea how much I'd miss Mary Carr after she left! I knew my program lasted longer than hers, and there would be time at the end of the semester where I was here and she wasn't since before we arrived. But when the last few days actually came and we would be sitting, having ice cream, and one of us would say "last ice cream together!" it really hit me. Rach was here when she actually left, and I do wish I could have been here with her and Cristina on her last couple days in the house, but it helped to lessen the blow a little bit. That is, until I walked back into my house after dropping Rachael off and I had to walk past my old room, see that there was nothing in it, and go into my new room with no roomie. It's only for a couple weeks so its not that big of a deal, but it showed me how great I had it to have such a great roommate that I got along with so well, how nice it was to have someone else there to talk to, and someone to share the Cristina Experience with. Only she really gets it. And I'm so glad I have her to reminisce with when I get home, just so I can remember that it actually happened, that it wasn't all a dream. 

Our "last meal" just the three of us, C, MC and I, couldn't have been a better story. One night when I wasn't eating in, they got pizza from the new pizza place downstairs. Cristina has been raving about it. "I get the pizza simple!" She announced to me as soon as we decided we were going to eat out for our last dinner together (When we got to the place and she tried to order it, it wasn't even on the menu...she had just made that name up, but was so confused when she tried to ask for it and they asked her to describe what a 'pizza simple' is). But before this, MC and I had gotten dressed up (at least more so than our usual sweatpants/t-shirt/slippers get-up) because we were going out to meet everyone after at Alfalfa and Cristina took pictures of us with the rose garden background in our complex. She loved her photographic skills and considered the pictures to be a great work of art. We walked out of the apartment gate, took a left, walked about 15 steps, and turned left again into the pizza place. Which is more of just a counter where you order the pizzas to-go. We did, and they said it'd be 30 minutes, so we decided to take a walk while we waited. First stop, a Chino, obviamente, to get Mary Carr a Coke Zero, and then we started meandering down a street that Cristina led us toward. 

We thought we were strolling, but we couldn't have been more wrong. All of a sudden she turns to face a gated lot with overgrown vines hanging over the entire length of the fence and begins to shout "Maria Carmen!?!?" We looked at each other like, "I'm sorry, is someone expecting us?" Sure enough, after a minute we hear locks being slid back and un-clicked, knobs being turned and bars being lifted and finally, the gate opened slightly to show the face of a very old, white-haired woman. And then her cats spilled out onto the street. Kittens. Everywhere. She immediately yelled for us to grab them, and while I'm not a cat person myself, MC absolutely wouldn't touch them, so I was left scooping out the cats oozing out onto the street. I awkwardly dumped them into Maria Carmen's arms, at which point she pushed the gate open all the way, motioned us inside her yard, shut the door and dropped all the kittens to the floor, where they all went sprawling across the lawn. Who was this woman? Why were we here? Should we know the answers to these questions already? It turns out, Maria Carmen is the mother of the boy who was the friend of Miguel Angel, or the mother of one of his novias, or maybe nothing like that, but anyway she is old and not Cristina's family, but Cristina loves and admires her. 

First thing I notice (after the fact that she is a real live cat lady): She's got a house. A real house, not an apartment building. First one I've seen. Second: She doesn't speak directly to either of us, only asks Cristina questions about us, even though I know exactly what she's saying. And Cristina answers for us without looking to us to give her the reply we might want to be given. Again, why are we here?? Still, the old woman invited all 3 of us inside and I noticed the third major thing going on here: She is rich as all get out. Paintings on paintings on paintings, covering every inch of the wall, both staircases (because its not just a house, its a 3-story house), all surfaces of every table, and she's got bowls of jewelry in random places like on the living room coffee table. Diamond earrings. I don't doubt that they're real. All of a sudden, Maria Carmen starts to cry. Apparently her husband has just died (as in like past few days) and she's super triste. Obviously, we learned her whole life story after this. And even more obviously, its been way more than 30 minutes. Our pizzas are undoubtedly getting cold. 

MC captured the "what the heck are we doing?" moment perfectly

Por fin, back at the pizza place

We made it back to the house by 10 to finally eat our lukewarm (but still delicious) barbecue pizzas. 6 euro. Great call Cris. 

It wasn't our last night together, but Rach was coming the next day and I wouldn't have any more meals with the 3 of us. Right before MC left, though, when Rach was sleeping in at the hotel I biked back home to grab a few things and we snapped one final photo together.

Day #121

And it was the perfect last photo to take, because it resembled another one taken just a short time earlier...

Day #1

I lucked out big time with an awesome roommate, an awesome senora, and, I think most importantly of all, the combination of the three of us together. I don't know if I could have gotten through some of the more frustrating days without MC to mediate, and I know I've learned so much from both of them over these 4 months. The last month is no doubt different, living in a different room, living with new roommates, living without the old one, but there's something to be learned from everything. I've got the best memories, frozen in photo-form (and video) for the most part that can never be taken away. The last month is a little bit more of me-time, which I think I can take full advantage of. It's already brought me closer to my entire host family. I'm thinking aboutcha all the way back in Carolina, MC, since its not even 2 pm for you there and I'm sitting on my yoga mat, waiting for dinner all the way across the ocean. I wish you were going to be sitting down beside me at dinner to laugh at whatever our plate might consist of tonight, and then to cover up our laughs with me, changing the subject muy rapido to something Cristina can go off on a tangent about for the entire dinner conversation. But I can't wait to see ya back in Chapel Hill where we can re-watch all our hilarious videos, and think back on times like this last day with all the cats and gold paintings...so random. And it so describes our entire semester. Wouldn't have wanted to close it out any other way!