3 months into Senior Year, what am I doing?!?

No seriously. What am I doing?? I'm currently procrastinating studying for a computer programming midterm exam, and while I've been pretty successful at that this morning, I haven't felt like much of as success when it comes to making plans and being a go-getter for my plans post-graduation. Remember that goals thing I did in July and...uh...never followed up on? Well I did complete all of my July goals (just as a brief recap), but now that I'm into senior year I want to set up some new goals to help ground me in what I want/need to do. Things to keep me focused on for what's left in the semester ahead.

#1: jump back in to the blogging world. Just do it. It's intimidating because there are so many interesting blogs already out there, so what's going to make mine anything special to read? Don't know, but I believe it will be, so I'm going to make it happen. But it never will if I keep putting it off day after day. So hah! I've already completed goal #1, because this is me, jumping back in.

#2: practice teaching yoga as much as I can. I'm currently in teacher training and I need all the practice I can get, and I need to be more aggressive about finding ways to get that practice in.

#3: stop getting anxious when thinking about "the future," and all the things ahead of me I need to do to prepare. They seem like mountains, but that's because I just keep sitting at the base of it, looking up. I need to start the hike, and little by little I'll make my way up and over the hill. That means: reach out to potential employers. Create online portfolios. Reach out to contacts for recommendations. Explore internships for the spring semester. Stay current with news every day (I'm so guilty of not reading the news, and I'm a journalism major, so that's pretty bad). Be open to a plan that I might not be aware of as of now...things may unfold before my eyes without me realizing it and I want to be accepting of any and all of it.

#4: enjoy the day, rather than looking at my agenda and seeing every meeting I have to attend, every obligation that's in my day. Just accept those things as they are, and stop trying to get to the end of the day as fast as possible.

Before I get too far in over my head, I'll stop with those 4. They're pretty lofty. But I'm determined to make it happen. I hope this blog will turn out to be my outlet for unloading the pressures of the day, aspirations for tomorrow, and a link for anyone who might be in the same boat as me.

P.S. The only paper I've written since being back in school I got a failing grade because I wrote too "personally"... wonder where that came from (*cough*cough* 60+ personal blog posts for half a year as my only form of written work)

The Beauty of a Goal

I'll get a hang of this blogging thing eventually. It's a hard transition- going from writing about completely new experiences, discovering new European cities, and life reflections from across the ocean to writing about the day-to-day life back here in the U.S.- but who's to say I can't make my life here just as exciting? In fact, this month (all 8 days of it so far) have been awesome. Part of the reason for that is because of the goals some of my roommates and I set on June 30th. We decided to make July Goals, writing them down in marker together and reading them out loud to each other, and then posted them on the door of our refrigerator (the most commonly visited spot in the house). That way, we can all support each other and help to keep each other accountable when the going gets tough.

Whenever one of us does something towards accomplishing a goal, whether it be a little stepping stone in the process or checking the whole thing off the list, we make note of it on the papers. I'm finding that its a great way to stay in tune with what my friends are working on, an easy reminder of how to be supportive and recognize when they're making the efforts to accomplish their goals, and it makes me want to stay on track with mine all the more. So far I've been pretty attentive to staying on track with my goals for the month, like how I aimed to have a comfortable 4.5 mile run under my belt by the end of July, and just this morning (only July 8!) I've gotten up to 4.33. I won't say its comfortable yet, but I've got plenty of time left to work on it. 

But what I love most about these goals that we've made so official by writing them down and displaying them for anyone to see, is that they're only goals in as much as we want to pursue accomplishing them. I don't feel a slave to my expectations of the month. They're just things I want to do, and as long as I keep wanting to do them, I'm going to. But every so often I check in and ask myself, "is this a goal that I really want for myself?" And also knowing that if I'm not able to check something off the list by August 1st, it's by no means a failure. All the other things that I did check off the list will be things that may not have happened had I not attempted the goal list in the first place.

Its something I highly recommend to anyone who can get a group together to make the conscious effort and set some goals for themselves. As the month goes on, I'll keep updating how my goals are coming along. Maybe I'm not traveling the world, but I'm still learning and growing, and as long as I'm doing that, I hope to keep writing about it :) Now I'm off to start on goal #2 of the month, check out CrossFit Carrboro!

Settling In

There's nothing quite like saying you're going to do something and actually getting it done. So for me, where procrastination is my own worst enemy, the last couple weeks have felt pretty good. I debated moving to Chapel Hill versus staying in Charlotte for a solid month, but when I was finally so sick of weighing the pros and cons of each scenario, I just made the decision to go ahead and move. This was back when I was in Spain. When I got home to Charlotte and had a week there to unpack, chill out, get myself together, and re-pack again for school, I worried that I made the wrong decision. The comforts of home are just so enticing! I love my bed. I love lounging on my couch. I love my yoga studio. I love it all because its what's so familiar to me. But now that I'm here and settled in to a summer life in Chapel Hill, I couldn't be more reaffirmed that it was the right choice. I'm learning so many things about how to live on my own, I have time to plan out some goals I want for the semester, I'm getting my foot in the door for opportunities I might want to consider as career options (or at least as activities I know I'll want to keep up for the rest of my life). And I just gotta say, it feels so good.

Case in point- my first cooking experience

I've cooked before, but its always been the case that I've found a cool recipe online or on Food Network, gone to the store to buy specifically those ingredients, and made it. And that was my one cooking stint of the week (or month). This time, I went to the grocery store to shop for the week, and with some of my purchases I put together this dinner, making lots of leftovers to last me a few more days. I know, I know, nothing crazy interesting and everyone in the world has to cook for themselves eventually, but hey- I'm learning here! And I'm still quite the amateur. How do I know this? I started a fire. When I was roasting my veggies, olive oil dripped from the cookie sheet down into the bottom of the oven and before I knew it, smoke was filling the kitchen and the alarm wouldn't stop ringing. I had a moment of panic, a minor freak-out, but in a matter of moments, I had gotten it under control Stephen calmed me down and showed me what to do. And now, lesson learned and I'll know what to do the next time I set something on fire! Hopefully it won't be a regular occurrence. The finished product: shredded sweet potatoes, roasted vegetables, and marinated chicken breasts over pesto linguine. Most recipes I found here.

The rest of my meals this week haven't been nearly as exciting, but I am getting the hang of getting home from work and even though I'm tired, taking the time to make a decent meal. Of course, there are things that have made it easier. Like having a roommate who is just in summer school and doesn't have a job, so she's got a lot of time on her hands, and one night this week I came home to her cooking homemade macaroni and cheese, breaded chicken, and bean salad for me. And also, overnight oats for breakfast have become a staple. 

In addition to meal-time festivities, finishing the configuration of the furniture in our house, decorating it with the random assortment of things we've all managed to grab from home, actually purchasing my bike and getting it up to Chapel Hill (thank you, mom!), I've successfully potted my herbs (thank you, dad!). It's the littlest of accomplishments, but I am so excited about them. I love having ideas and then seeing them come to life. Sometimes I forget that I can do anything I want to do. But when I remember it and really embrace it, its such a powerful feeling. I know this year will have its ups and downs, but I need to remember this feeling- the feeling that I am capable of so much, and I'm actually making it happen right now, so what's to stop me from keeping those positive vibes and actions going? My first goal of the semester is to take a new look at the world 'procrastination.' I see it as this ugly monster, that I always fall victim to. But maybe when this semester starts, I don't have to. Maybe I'll look at each task, break it down into smaller and smaller bits, actually reward myself for accomplishing even those small bits, and especially the bigger ones, and maybe, just maybe, my little battle with procrastination will slowly fade away.

Along with my new basil: parsley, dill, and oregano. What to plant next??

6 months later, 61st post

I wrote 60 times while in Spain/about my Spanish adventures. Which actually doesn't seem like all that many journal entries for a 5-month span of time in a place where there was something new and exciting pretty much every single day. But I'll write it off to the fact that all of my posts were like mini novels, recounting events over 10-day trips and packed full of the little details. But now here I am, back in Chapel Hill again. Except it doesn't feel like I thought it might (and feared it would be). It's not like I'm back in this little campus where all I do is run from obligation to obligation and around every corner I run in to someone I know and I feel mostly bored with my day-to-day schedule. Granted, it's summer so there's no school, but I'm feeling so great about this upcoming year. I came home with a plan to make goals, and I've a lot, and I've set some in motion already. So now that I'm here in Chapel Hill I'm focused on my goals, I'm excited about my new house, and I'm ready to take on what this "real world" has got in store for me, one day at a time. 

So, what are these goals?

1. Plant an herb garden- somehow, somewhere. Basil, parsley, mint, chives, thyme? Currently taking suggestions for it.

2. Get a bike (to ride more and more, slowly phasing out where I need to drive my car to)

I had no idea where to begin with getting the "right" bike. All I knew is that I loved the Sevicis and I didn't want to become unused to biking everywhere, so I'm keeping up with the habit before I have the chance to lost it. I had Rachael's dad (a bike guru) help me big-time and settled on this Trek. He says it was a steal so I'll take his word for it!

3. Look for jobs for summer/into the school year

4. Organize my part of the house

On Tuesday I packed my car and drove myself to Chapel Hill, moved in by myself while my Laura and Caroline were at work (as in moved my giant suitcases, bins and tubs, metal and wood desk, chairs, bedding- everything- up the narrow and steep stairs SOLO!). When Kelly got in on Wednesday, I repeated the whole process with her. We also disassembled an entire wardrobe, carried the pieces upstairs, and re-nailed it back together, assembled a kitchen table, brought in the rest of our furniture (and she's got a lot) and hung shutters on the walls all day long. 

5. Get serious about plans for yoga in my future- explore teaching certification options

6. Strive to be happy every single day.

I had yet to drink from the Old Well since I've been at Carolina- it just never crossed my mind to do it- but as I was taking a walk with Emily (who I was so happy to see after our separation of all of three weeks) through the quad, eating oreo YoPo, I felt like it might be just the right time to do it. They say you'll have good luck with your classes if you drink from it on the first day of the school year (or something like that) but I think it'll bring good luck to me in this transition time back into real life. And this really is becoming real life, real fast; I bought my first actual bunch of groceries today. Look who's doing big things... more to come on that. I'm leaving the library now because it's summer and even though we don't have internet in our house, I just can't be in a library for longer than an hour. 

Around the World and Back Again

My Thursday morning, May 30, started at 4 am (about an hour and a half after I went to bed, since it took that long to make each of my suitcases fit everything/fit the weight limit). I had a banana at the good ole breakfast table, sitting with Cristina who woke up to see me off, and we chatted like it was no different than any other meal we've had together. But when 3:50 rolled around I knew I had to pack up the last of my things, squeeze into the tiny elevator, and walk for the last time through the courtyard and out onto Villegas y Marmolejos. C said something like, "well this is where I stop," and I just gave her the biggest, longest hug. I didn't really know how to say all the things I wanted to say in Spanish, but that might have been just as well, because I think the hug was enough. She was short with her goodbye, as I'm sure she needed to be since she has done this so many times, and it is no doubt difficult each time. I'm sure she's perfected a way to close a chapter to one girl's book in order to prepare to open a new one. Part of me thinks it won't be the last time I see my senora and her family, but if it was, I know we had the fullest experience possible and I walked away feeling resolute. I met Emily at our corner and she walked me to the bus stop (a true friend to have gone out the night before and to get up at 4 to sit at a bus stop, with no intention of going anywhere). I felt a sense of longing, not wanting to leave, now that it was finally time to go, and Emily and I were reminiscing on one of our first night's at O'Neill's, walking to class through this very path every day, etc. etc. But once I got on the airport bus, I was immediately ready- jumping out of my skin, in fact- to just get off that final plane in Charlotte. 

last picture with Cristina, cerca 2 a.m. 

But it was a long, long travel day. The plane to Lisbon was a puddle jumper. I had never been on one before. It had 10 seats and the pilot gave everyone ear plugs before we took off, because it was going to be that loud. So, I didn't sleep on that flight. And when I got to Portugal I had to get my checked bag, re-check it and go through security again (aka find security, find US airways to get my boarding passes, find the gates...it was all so confusing), and by the time I got to B24 I only had just enough time to make my last purchase with euros (a Ritter Sport chocolate bar) and get in line (SO many lines today) to board the plane. For the long flight to Philly. You know when you sit next to a person who immediately starts talking to you and you think, "OK, so we're going to have this conversation for the whole flight, now." And you know how you don't want that to happen on an 8 hour transatlantic flight? Well obviously it did happen to me. The woman was incredibly interesting, I'll give her that, but even after 2 sleeping pills she had me up the whole flight chatting. The chatting and the high turbulence, that is. It was a pretty miserable flight, but it was only 8 hours, and then it was over. I had to get my bags again, go through immigration, customs, security again, and high tail it to my gate to make it to the last leg of the trip to Charlotte. All in all, when I look back, it felt pretty fast, although in each moment it felt like the day had been dragged into a week. When I got off the plane it was only 5:30 p.m. Just "13" hours earlier I was in my apartment in Sevilla (plus the time change). 

I made my way down to the final baggage claim in a state of delirium. Didn't even see Granddaddy, my dad, or Stephen waiting for me at the bottom with flowers and big signs around their necks. When I finally did spot them I was overcome with the strangest sense of feeling like it'd been forever since I'd been home and like no time had passed at all since I'd seen everyone all together. My bags all made it back and in one piece, nothing broken, and mom picked us all up outside baggage claim in perfect timing. The rest of the night was absolutely everything I wanted it to be and more. My parents had the sweetest ideas to put random little things around my house to surprise me, things I'd mentioned that I'd been missing (like cookie and peanut butter) and had the goods to make any number of meals that I wanted for dinner that night. 

First meal back at home? All I could think was dad's homemade pizzas. We had a Mediterranean one with kalamata oliva, pesto and feta cheese, and a classic cheese/spinach/feta/tomato sauce one. Dad also made chicken kebobs from my Around the World cookbook to have with red pepper hummus, his famous green bean/onion mix, a Med salad, and Krispy Kreme donuts for dessert. The delirium continued. 

It's amazing how easily I've fallen back into some of the routine things I used to do. Not in a bad way, it just feels so easy and natural to be driving around in my car, running errands, going to DSW, Whole Foods and Target, taking yoga (HaLlElUjAh), making plans for dinner with friends. But I've brought everything home with me that I've learned over the past semester. As easy as it is to think of that as an entire other life, I don't want to keep them separated. I want to continue enjoying life the way I've enjoyed it in Spain, valuing relaxation, keeping things simple, paying attention to how I'm feeling and being good to myself each day, and staying clear about what I want, without letting the little distractions of life pull me away from it. It'll be harder to do in this environment, but I know it can be done. In yoga today I had such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude while laying in savasana that I actually teared up. It was my second class after 5 months of not a whole lot of stretching period, and while I can tell there's things I'll need to work on again, I'm still so capable of so many things. We're all a lot stronger than we think we are, and we can do so many more things than we give ourselves credit for. For me, its just the fear of the "what if" in case I can't do something anymore or won't be able to accomplish something new that gets me. What if I didn't think in terms of "what if?" This semester has given me some of the confidence to kick that habit. I made it around the world and back again in one piece, but I didn't just make it back- I took on the challenges and turned them into great experiences, I've learned so much and I don't regret a thing, and the best part about it all is that I'm ready to be back here and to take on what life's got in store for me next. 

Adios, amigos

It was my last day. And it was a great one. A bit hectic at the end there, dealing with luggage struggles (and who knows how it will all actually go down once I get to the airport and they weigh the bags), but overall, it was the perfect close out to a perfect 5 months. Took my exam- piece of cake. Went shopping with Emily to spend a few extra euros- bought a great dress, can't wait to wear it on the beach. Had my favorite lunch- the spinach casserole. Sat on the river with friends- lost track of time and didn't care one bit, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and it is finally, finally, hot again (thank you very much, right as I leave...at least I got this one day). Had fresh strawberry mojitos by the river- watched him make it and now have the key to the secret recipe, and I can't wait to try it myself. Bought the last little gifts for people here and there, and my time strolling home for dinner. I feel so content, and I feel so ready to be home. I love you, Sevilla, but I love lots of things, and I'm ready to get back to them.

Some things that I will miss, though:

+The way Cristina answers me saying "Qué hija?" in such a caring way whenever I call her name from near or far away

+The orange, the violet, and the palm trees; actually all the vegetation. It's tropical and I feel like I'm living in a dream land every morning when I walk to school (even though the violet ones cry? We never learned why we get sprinkled with water, as if its raining, every time you walk near them)

+Ordering casual drinks 

+Cheap fruit, and lots of it

+Llao Llao and the man at Nervion Plaza who always gave me mounds of each topping- everywhere else I went seemed to gyp me but he never let me down

+Having 2 hours to set aside for each meal, it used to be a pain to sit down for that long, but I've gotten used to it and I love that time after eating when we sit and chat about everything and nothing

+better flavored Doritos

+better chocolate/double stuffed Principe cookies

+the feeling that the city is so alive all the time, big enough for anything to happen and small enough that you're sure to run in to someone you know if you're out and about

+Sevici-ing around; I'm making it a goal to start riding my bike most places at home now, even though it won't be nearly as easy

+people calling the "chino" stores "el Chino" and it not being an offensive statement (I guess what I'll miss is how open Spaniards are, and how direct their sense of humor is)

+dancing in the kitchen with Cristina and making her say English words (her latest is "hiccup" and for the life of her, she can't say anything but "hippo")

Actually this list could go on and on. I'm sure I'll remember so many little things that give me a little pang of sadness for the next few months, but it won't hit me until I'm home. The truth is I don't know what I'll miss most. I hope I can remember everything as vividly as I do right now, and I know this blog will help me do that, but I just can't imagine forgetting the little things that have come to mean so much to me. Or the things that have come to be such a big part of my day. But that's always the way it is. You do something every day, its part of your daily routine, a natural habit your body is used to, and then when you stop doing it, you forget all about what it was like when you did. I guess there's not really a way to avoid it. But if I can just tell myself to remember one thing about this whole experience, I'd like to tell myself to (well okay, it can't just be one thing) A. stop and smell the roses, it is absolutely necessary and in fact imperative to maintaining your sanity, B. trust yourself and go with your gut, and C. be patient, have patience for others, have patience for yourself, and be good to yourself. You deserve it. 

Day 142

Happy day #142 in Spain! I've been here 4 months and 21 days. 20 weeks and a day. 3,384 hours (Googled it). Actually, that doesn't seem like that much. But when I think about what I've been able to do/see/find/make happen/experience in some one-hour spans of time, I feel like I've packed a lot of life into this past semester. And I'm leaving tomorrow. After all of the people I've sent away from Sevilla and all the times I've taken weekend trips out of town, its hard to think that this time when I go to the airport, I'm not coming back. I'm pretty much packed and ready to go, but I'm definitely going to leave for the airport early enough so that if/when the check-in people to tell me my bag is too heavy, I'll have time to rearrange and throw out more things. I also feel pretty content. Sure, there's always more to do, and I don't by any means feel like an expert at being abroad, but for this period of time, I feel like I've taken full advantage, made some long-lasting friendships, built a life and discovered a true family, seen so many things, gone out on so many limbs, that these past couple days when I've been doing things that might be "the last," I feel pretty okay with that. Haven't gotten emotional yet, maybe I will when I actually hug Cristina goodbye, who knows. I do know that after saying goodbye to half the people already, it feels like we've been winding down for a long time. And I can safely say I'm more excited to go home than sad to leave. Which I think is the best of both worlds. I'm not homesick, and I'm not sick of being here. I'm just content. And I'm just so gracious for this experience. It's been the richest of my entire life. 

And I couldn't speak about studying abroad without mentioning the studying portion of it. I feel like I've actually learned things in my classes, without all the drama and stress over boring and tedious assignments, papers or group projects that count for 75% of your grade, etc. It makes me think we don't actually need all that extra crap to learn. The thing I'm most proud of is how far I've come listening in class. My history professor speaks the most rapid, most muddled Andalucian Spanish imaginable, and at the beginning of the year I had to sit on the front row and crane my neck, straining my ears just to pick up on some words that would give me a clue into the context of what he might be talking about. And if I zoned out even for a minute? I was done for. But by the end of the semester, I could write notes pretty easily, keep up with him (ma o meno) and I left class every day feeling pretty competent. That is a huge accomplishment. And I don't know when it happened. Emily and I were just talking about it one day after class, that we didn't feel totally lost. We just looked at each other and said something like, "how freaking cool is that." 

Not being stressed and still learning? What kind of crazy combination is that? More importantly, why do I have a hard time grasping that its okay? Studying for exams. Never have I ever and never again will I ever have the kind of exam week that I've had here. And the thing is, I still stressed about the tests. Because that's what we're taught to do. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it is. I couldn't let myself not study, even when my final was open note/open computer. That was my EU exam. Jesus asked us to please get out all our notes and open our laptops, not put close/put them away, and to write for as long as we cared to about "what did I learn in the class this semester." For history, we spent a good 3 hours the morning of the exam comparing notes, Emily, Evan, Shoshanna and I, talking about how we hoped he would ask the essay questions on tema 6 or tema 9, because we just didn't know the others that well. Well, when we sat down in Serrera's office he looked at the syllabus and said, "what would you guys like to write about?" So tema 6 and 9 it was. And now I'm sitting in the EUSA cafe, 45 minutes before my Islam exam, and I'm blogging. Because even if I didn't take this exam, it would take of 20% of 30% of my grade, and the whole thing is pass/fail anyway. Its hard to wrap my mind around the fact that its okay to do badly, and what's more, that even when I don't study, I'm probably not going to do badly. 

Oyoyoy. This, right now, is the life. After I finish this last test, I think I might go to the river to hang out. But not go get ice cream, because- and I never thought these words would come out of my mouth- I am so sick of sweets. Ice cream in particular. I think I hit my max the other night when we sat at Fiorentina past closing time, talking to the Joaquin, ordering multiple helados. Crema Vaticana is actually a religious experience to eat. But that last tarrino pequeno of it might have just done me in, because now when I think about eating anything sweet I just feel sick. And Cristina really wanted to spend some time with me yesterday, and insisted on taking me out for...you guessed it: ice cream. I ate it, but after that I just said NO MORE. I'm done. So. The first thing I can't wait to do when I get home is eat A. what I want, when I want, and B. try to do some kind of cleanse. Also, the tendinitis is finally subsiding, so while I want to take it easy, I really want to get back into exercising, doing something else besides cycling. I've grown to like it here, and I especially like taking classes in Spanish because I can't always understand when the instructor is telling me to crank it up a gear or not, so I just do what feels good and challenging to me. So. The second order of business will be to get back into a variety of exercises that are fun (I don't miss running, because usually I hate it, and I don't want to make myself do anything I don't want to do when I get back). And what's fun to me? Yoga. I am so excited to get back on my new mat (new to me, got it at Christmas and haven't really been able to use it yet) and sweat the fun way. 

And...yep, that's pretty much it. I'm going to enjoy my last day here (it still hasn't really hit me yet, because even typing it out doesn't phase me) and once I get on that first plane tomorrow- assuming I make the 4:30 am bus, which Emily is so kindly accompanying me and all my luggage to- I will be SO ready to land in Charlotte, see my family, run around my house without slippers on, fall into my comfy bed, watch TV on a couch, open the fridge without asking for anyone's permission, drive my car, ride in a car in the passenger's seat, go to the grocery store, use my phone in the middle of the street where there's no wifi, wear something other than one of my 5 rotational outfits, ask a salesperson questions without having to figure out what exactly I need to say in Spanish to get my point across, not convert everything to dollars to figure out just how much it costs, use my debit card and forget about 2 cent coins (they are the worst), give my feet a rest because, at this point, they feel almost beyond repair, wake up early and have people in the world be awake too (including the sun), order breakfast somewhere and it not be just tostada con mermelada y cafe (going along with that, having eggs for breakfast and that be normal). And that's just what I can rattle off off the top of my head. Now that its 10:30 and I have my last exam in 15 minutes, I'm going to go over notes and get going with day #142! 

Joaquin, Emily and I; one of the many Fiorentina excursions

Oh and Cristina bought loquats? Is that a real fruit? I Google translated the Spanish name and it came up as that, but I've never heard of it before. Weird and cool to eat something you've actually never heard of or seen before in your life.